Intentional Vulnerability Part I: An Approach

The idea of detailing more of my personal experiences with masculinity and mental health has been playing increasingly on my mind. It’s on a loop in my head, momentarily fading into the distance and circling back round to the space in between periphery and acute focus.

The mind and the body has always had a particular way of telling us what it needs. Sometimes it takes time for us to understand what that might be. Sometimes it takes time to have the courage to acknowledge it at all. On both points, that is especially the case if you are not used to interacting so intimately with your own narrative.

Asserting my perspective in words has always felt so… inappropriate… Do I really think i am that important that it is something others would take time to read? Why would I step so consciously into a spotlight, one which is not necessarily mine to take? I don’t want the attention, I don't need sympathy, just what will people think of me? 

When conversations surrounding mental health first started appearing across social media i couldn’t get to grips with it. Why are these people exposing themselves so publicly? Why does everyone need to know? Are they doing it to raise awareness? for self healing? as a means to reach out and ask for help? are their intentions that of expression or self-indulgence? Behind these questions what i was really saying was “that’s not how i would do it”, “i couldn’t bring myself to do anything like that”, “i would never have the right words anyway” etc etc. 

And though in the present moment I understand and value how integral this has been and can still be to the ever growing dialogue surrounding mental health it was too quickly asserted that this was the only way to approach speaking out. 

For example, It has caused a ripple of bedroom uploads to YouTube or ill-considered posts across social media of people feeling as if they have to do this in order for their experience to be validated. But what happens when they are not met with kindness or with any response at all? Questions which highlight my own fears when thinking about publishing my perspectives, and so it comes back around to the question: what is my motivation for wanting to do this? 

One of the reasons Guy Cry Club exists is to encourage greater creativity in the dialogues surrounding masculinity and mental health. To show that using words in a conventional sense is not the only way to communicate and that it simply does not cater to everyone. As this platform steadily grows, my ambition becomes rooted, drawing confidence from the insight of others' experiences and my own personal growth (in the capacity of knowledge and emotional intelligence). 

If i do not continue to learn, feel, express and grow then Guy Cry Club will become stagnant. It will cease to support the needed evolution of how we all interact with and communicate ideas of masculinity and mental health. And although i never wanted the focus to be on me - this platform would be nothing without those that continue to share their lives with me - it still needs to be led. And i cannot encourage others to use creativity to express intimate moments within their lives in a way that makes sense to them without being open to doing the same. I want to be that inspiration, that person someone else can relate to, in part because that is something i never felt i had when i was growing up. 

Now another question appears: Why use words to do this? I have just said the conventional use of words is not how everyone chooses to express themselves. My answer to this is two-fold. 

First of all, accessibility is always something i think about when it comes to Guy Cry Club. I want this space to be open to anyone that wishes to reside here. Though the focus is not on words (excluding creative writing), it is still a part of the general dialogue on masculinity and mental health as i have already noted. When thinking about Guy Cry Club, in particular the blog, the use of words in this way has opened up more possibilities for collaboration and for spotlighting creatives whose work exemplifies the core values of this platform. Words are what make that space a reality, words can provide context and connection, direction and narrative. 

Secondly, my own creative practice comes to mind. My process of creation is something i don’t fully understand, it seems to be in a constant state of flux. And at the moment the way words interact with visuals is something i think about often. In some ways it reminds me of when i first made zines, they would always be a combination of collage, illustration and words, i had no compulsion to focus inherently on one form. Recently, i have been slowly building the habit of emptying my thoughts onto paper, to help clear my mind. And in a similar way me writing out my experiences is part of a process of attending to my thoughts. This intentional documentation i feel will help inform more creative translations of my perspectives. Moving forward the idea of spending time writing, to then create pieces of artwork is something which makes sense to me right now. 

It is an exploration. One which will take time. And perhaps it will be one that has no clear end point. Sharing this with you all may be of benefit to me; for asserting my own worth, and to acknowledge my own perspectives in a way to learn and grow from them, but that strength and understanding is what will ultimately give greater power to this platform and everyone who wishes to be here alongside me. 

All the loves,

Ben Driver, Founder of Guy Cry Club