Forget Being Manly As F*ck Be Manly As Love Instead by George Howard
Throughout my life I felt so much pressure around what it means to be a man. I have seen men trying to be what they think is manly in the world through ego driven behaviours, hardened shells, blocked and repressed emotions, and disconnection from others.
None of this resonated with me, so I created a willingness to lovingly observe who I am being, and began consciously creating who I desired to be as a man.
Illustration by Noe Quihuis
On my own journey, I have often got lost in the darker side of my masculinity, the side that is decisive yet aggressive within, courageous and bold, yet numb and unkind.
This has allowed me to become a better Parkour Athlete through the courage to lean into my fears.
This has allowed me to feel grounded in my body, powerful in my expression with others, and relaxed in my own skin.
This has allowed me to be a more powerful Coach, who listens with a deep presence and is not afraid to speak with honesty about what needs to be said to my clients at that time.
But within this darker side of masculinity, it can often feel so good to live like this that I forget to have empathy, feel joy, feel sadness, and feel alive in my everyday moments.
Instead I have always sought aliveness through pushing myself both physically and mentally, and when this wasn’t possible I have felt unfulfiled.
I forget to enjoy the small moments of life, I forget to feel the joy of simply being alive.
I forget to love openly and deeply in my relationship with my Wife. To see her with loving eyes, to allow her to see me fully in all my vulnerability.
The darker side of my masculinity feels so good out in the world that sometimes I don’t want to leave it at the door when I enter my home and embrace my woman. Because of this there becomes a disconnect between us, a distance, she feels my hardness and reacts with hardness, she feels my distance and keeps her distance, she feels my lack of empathy for her feelings and emotions, she feels my dangerous, wild masculine, but doesn’t trust it because she knows it isn’t balanced with the light of love, of softness, play, fun and joy, she can feel my irritation, she feels my seriousness, she can feel my numbness.
I am closed to the depths of my potential for love.
Men have a dark masculine and a light masculine, not many men balance the two in the harmony, and the beauty of what I know as “the enlightened masculine”.
Too much light and we are needy and clingy, “the nice guy”, “the pushover”, we lose the wild man within us, we lose our courage, we don’t take action in the world.
Too much dark and we are aggressive, without empathy, we take what we want with little regard for others, we do things to feed our egos, and all we think about is ourselves.
Without balance we don’t live to our true potential of what it means to be a man.
With balance we can become “manly as love”.
Illustration by Noe Quihuis
To truly be enlightened in our masculinity, we must embrace love as the very foundation of who we are, in every moment, whether it is being a courageous leader, making bold decisions for our business, or curled up on our lover’s lap sharing our vulnerability.
We must stay open as love.
Whether we are climbing Mount Everest, sitting chatting, or making decisions with our partner at the dinner table.
We must stay open as love.
When we stay open as love, we are manly.
When we can feel our power within, and express that through love, we are manly.
When we can feel our decisiveness, and desire for authentic expression, and we express that graciously with empathic hearts, we are manly.
Enlightened masculinity is letting love move through us, whilst living into our true potential as wild and dangerous men in the world.
As leaders, as bold action takers, as adventurers, as explorers, as brave athletes, as hunters, as providers.
We are love itself.
These are aspects of masculinity that cannot be ignored, supporting our happiness, fulfilment, self love, and growth as a human being.
We are so powerful as masculine men.
